I can't believe I'm writing in here again

So I've been here at IUP for about two weeks now and all I can say is that it has been very up and down. For instance, I have been feeling very overwhelmed. This semester I have the normal 16 credits. I am also doing Cru again and a bible study, and then there's the fashion association, plus I have a job at the Girl Scout Council office here now. I really feel blessed to be involved in so many good things. I just get scared that I wont be able to do it all, and I want to be able to take part in everything I want. I think some of these things are just as important if not more than class. And yet oddly enough there are times like right now when I get bored. I have yet to find any REALLY good friends here at IUP. Not like the friends at home atleast. Which really is probably the worst part about being here. This school is SO big, like 15000 students big. And so unique. Like I can tell you so many stories of things I've seen here that would never happen back home. I just really wish I had some close friends to share these fun times with. 

So here I am... Writing in my Xanga. Wow, it has been like forever. However, I really feel like I have so much on my mind, and I had no other choice but to turn to my trusty Xanga.

Here it goes... I've been feeling SO much anxiety lately about school. Anxiety that I cannot just put into words. I really wish I knew how to explain all this stress that I'm feeling.  First off there's the fact that IUP is on the other side of the state. Over the summer I've realized how important family and especially friends are. As great as IUP is, the only thing that really gets to me is that I can't just leave and visit them whenever I want. I think that I'm just going to stay in the area after I graduate. As in love that I am with New York City, saying goodbye is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. I know, I've had to do it all my life. It makes me SO mad when people talk about moving far away like it's not a big deal, because it is. And lately people have been doing that too. I am also worried that I will not be able to find a job. It's very important that next summer I have a car; that's the reason I really got screwed over this summer. I don't see that happening unless I'm making money over the schoolyear though. I really wish I had parents who could buy me a car, and pay for my college tuition, and do all that shit that my friends parents are doing for them. But they can't. My dad doesn't care about me, and my Mom just can't. It makes me want to cry. It's so stressful being financialy held back. And that is just something that no one I know can relate to. The way I see it...If I was able to find a job on campus, I could save up money and add it to my money I already have saved up, and get car. Then I could a job next summer-maybe a job in my major area. Idk though. It's like when I get to school, I'm so confused. Things happened ten times faster coming as a Spring Freshman than they do for Fall Freshman. Plus there's the fact that at IUP, you tend to feel like a number. There's so many people, it's just so overwhelming sometimes. As frustrated as I am about everything, there are some things I am looking forward to. Seeing some friends I made last semester, and hopefully making some new friends. AND I will be getting my own room, which is like the biggest stroke of luck that ever happened to me. So everyone should come visit, my room will be like the place to be. 

There's just so much going on in my head right now, as you can tell.  

I love IUP! I finally found a place where everyone's not fake. That's right. Back home, it's always wrong to be independent. Everyone's all the same.

So bye bye, conformity. I do what I want now.

OH. SO. FABULOUS!